This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
