I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
