Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Randomize
