You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
