so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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