If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
