so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
