I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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