is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
pray to the hookup gods
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
