Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
