im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
