corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
