Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
