You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
