Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
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