1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
