ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
