he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
