Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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