I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
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