i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
i think my cat just said my name.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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