The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
