i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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