Barsexuality is the new black.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
