Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
