My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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