theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Randomize
