You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
