You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
