I hate your face
wrigley field is MILF paradise
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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