I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
