you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
