I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
