brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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