who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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