i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Fuck appropriateness.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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