I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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