hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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