At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
