Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
