I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
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