he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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