ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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