Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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