I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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