Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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