there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
