Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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