dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
