there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
